You don’t call me any more
and grief washes over me anew,
another death among the many.
I watch you disappearing
one memory at a time
my heart breaking with each loss.
You no longer remember my childhood,
that battleground where your tongue
cut me into small pieces
until I was nothing but anger
just like you.
If you have forgotten our warring
do you still remember
making peace,
apologies and forgiveness,
the newly planted seeds of love between us,
can they still grow?
The silent creeping disease
has stolen your anger
and replaced it with
a childlike vulnerability,
you cry real tears now.
The one thing that endures and remains
is that you love me now.
I have finally let you into my heart,
please don’t let me lose that again,
we have had so little time
to be mother and daughter.
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Dark, this is beautiful, I pray it works out for you in the time remaining. 🙏 ❤️
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Thank you. We still enjoy long chats on the phone but I call her and I do most of the talking but that’s ok.
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My mother in law and mother passed within two months of each other in 2008. It was a shock to realize that we were now the adults. No one older in our bloodline. Took some getting used to. Enjoy every moment you have left! 😊
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Yes, my mother is the last of her generation. When she is gone I will be the eldest, that will feel very strange! I hope it won’t be for a while yet.
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Me too!
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This is painfully beautiful!
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Thank you, our relationship has been quite a journey.
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And you portrayed it so well in your amazing style of writing. You allowed us to feel the pain of that journey.
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Thank you. I have come to realise that my mother is a remarkable woman. When confronted with how much she hurt me as a child she took full responsibility and apologised unreservedly. My father died recently and at eighty plus years old with dementia she is living alone (with support) for the first time. I hope I do as well as that if I get to her age!
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This is a remarkable story. And says a great deal of your character as well. Forgiving is not always an easy thing to do.
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I always thought you had to decide to forgive someone and that was never going to happen with my mother but I learned that forgiveness is a process that comes about through responsibility and communication and understanding. I wish my father had been brave enough to take responsibility for his part in my abuse so we could have worked towards forgiveness but he chose death instead.
Thank you for “talking” to me 🙂
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This is very sad regarding your father. I don’t know your story yet. (Have you written about it?) It is hard enough to grieve the loss of a parent, much less having to deal with abuse and unresolved things between you. Some things can never be fully resolved. This must be such a painful time for you!
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I haven’t written much yet, I’m just getting started!
It is surprising how much a person’s physical presence can block memory but when they are gone things start to surface… It is very confusing.
Thank you for your comments and understanding, they are much appreciated 🙂
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It takes a long time to process abuse. And to even recognize what is/was normal and what was not.
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