Death in a graveyard

For every life I lost here
between the silent graves
for every little part of me
some evil pervert craves
for every cry and tortured scream
that cut like sharpened blades
for fear felt for a lifetime
that never ever fades
for all the years you’ve taken
apologies left unspoken
I want yours in return
I want to see you
twisted and broken
and left in hell to burn
only then, when you are gone
when no trace of you remains
may I float into a peaceful sleep
amid the downy feathered seeds
under weeping sweeping rains.

To my lost brother

You rage at me one minute
and shower me with love the next.
You blame me
for all your pain
I was just a child,
I was never meant to be your mother.
I tried to protect you
and now you rage at me.
I was just a child
none of this is my fault,
nor was it ever.
It is time for you to let go,
to detach from me
and find your own reality.
I have had to walk away
to protect myself,
I cannot take any more
of your abuse
and rage,
your fantasies
and lies.
I am afraid of you.
It should be easy
but I think of you
alone and pushed away,
and I know you are hurting.
I am hurting too
but you are incapable
of seeing anyone
outside of yourself.
I grieve for you, my lost brother, I don’t think
we will ever meet again.
I am so sorry
that this has to be so.
With love and pain and sadness.

Some nightmares are real

How quiet are the footsteps
creeping into my room
How gentle the hands
that lift me from my bed
How soft the voices
that hush my frightened cries
How soothing the motion of the car
taking me far from home

So cold the night
so pale the moonlight
on my bare skin
so brutal the torture
inflicted on my tiny body
shattering my mind
into a thousand pieces

How gentle the hands
that wash away the blood
and dress me in my nightgown
How welcome the sleep
given in a glass of bitter potion
I wake alone in my bed
cold and afraid
Go back to sleep little one
it was just a nightmare.

If I should cross into forsaken places…

if-i-should-cross-into-forsaken-places

If I should cross into forsaken places…

….what may I find?

Only the desolate ruins of a bygone life

long abandoned?

Or could there be treasures unknown

waiting in the dark places,

left behind and lost

when I ran from the memories,

when I chose the mists of oblivion?

One foot on the bridge

spanning the lies I told myself

to escape remembering,

I search within for the courage

I know I must have had to survive.

To go forward into the past,

to search and discover,

or to hide forever from myself

in a groundless future?

 

The fallen

the-fallen

It was in the evening of your life

when your body gave way

and you sank to the floor.

Even though I wasn’t there

I have never stopped seeing you fall

over and over again.

You had been falling for years.

As the memories came

so the questions flew at you

like arrows,

each one piercing your armour,

allowing fear in through the holes,

fear that you might get found out.

I tried to fool myself into believing

it was guilt that was crippling you

but now the final pieces

have slotted together

and I know better

than to think good of you.

Even as you sat me on your lap

and sang to me,

making me believe I was special and loved,

you were giving me away

to the highest bidder

It was my money

that bought your house.

I paid for that house with my sanity

but you died

and left me with nothing

but the hatred in my heart.

You are gone now

You will never take back the blame

that was rightfully yours

and you will never know

my forgiveness.