To my lost brother

You rage at me one minute
and shower me with love the next.
You blame me
for all your pain
I was just a child,
I was never meant to be your mother.
I tried to protect you
and now you rage at me.
I was just a child
none of this is my fault,
nor was it ever.
It is time for you to let go,
to detach from me
and find your own reality.
I have had to walk away
to protect myself,
I cannot take any more
of your abuse
and rage,
your fantasies
and lies.
I am afraid of you.
It should be easy
but I think of you
alone and pushed away,
and I know you are hurting.
I am hurting too
but you are incapable
of seeing anyone
outside of yourself.
I grieve for you, my lost brother, I don’t think
we will ever meet again.
I am so sorry
that this has to be so.
With love and pain and sadness.

Tenderly

tenderly

She doesn’t ask for gratitude

she doesn’t ask for recognition

she bears all our sorrow

so tenderly

with no harsh word

of blame or judgement

she wipes away our childish tears

and hushes our weeping

with a gentle touch

she carries each of us

in her heart

knowing our pain

and weakness

reaching a hand

to steady us

when we stumble

loving our vulnerability

while we sleep

she gathers the tears

from our lashes

to wash the hate

from our souls

so that one day

we too may fly.

 

Butterfly

sometimes emotions are elusive

and unnameable

like trying to catch a butterfly

each time you get close

it flies ahead

always keeping

just out of reach.

I don’t know what happened

I had a perfect day filled

with soft light and golden grasses

whispering in the wind

and then I woke crying

I cannot stop the tears

I am sad and

something wonderful

like healing

or being loved

but I cannot hold it

in my hand

to see what it is

this beautiful pain.

 

Mother

You don’t call me any more
and grief washes over me anew,
another death among the many.
I watch you disappearing
one memory at a time
my heart breaking with each loss.
You no longer remember my childhood,
that battleground where your tongue
cut me into small pieces
until I was nothing but anger
just like you.
If you have forgotten our warring
do you still remember
making peace,
apologies and forgiveness,
the newly planted seeds of love between us,
can they still grow?
The silent creeping disease
has stolen your anger
and replaced it with
a childlike vulnerability,
you cry real tears now.
The one thing that endures and remains
is that you love me now.
I have finally let you into my heart,
please don’t let me lose that again,
we have had so little time
to be mother and daughter.