To my lost brother

You rage at me one minute
and shower me with love the next.
You blame me
for all your pain
I was just a child,
I was never meant to be your mother.
I tried to protect you
and now you rage at me.
I was just a child
none of this is my fault,
nor was it ever.
It is time for you to let go,
to detach from me
and find your own reality.
I have had to walk away
to protect myself,
I cannot take any more
of your abuse
and rage,
your fantasies
and lies.
I am afraid of you.
It should be easy
but I think of you
alone and pushed away,
and I know you are hurting.
I am hurting too
but you are incapable
of seeing anyone
outside of yourself.
I grieve for you, my lost brother, I don’t think
we will ever meet again.
I am so sorry
that this has to be so.
With love and pain and sadness.

Butterfly

sometimes emotions are elusive

and unnameable

like trying to catch a butterfly

each time you get close

it flies ahead

always keeping

just out of reach.

I don’t know what happened

I had a perfect day filled

with soft light and golden grasses

whispering in the wind

and then I woke crying

I cannot stop the tears

I am sad and

something wonderful

like healing

or being loved

but I cannot hold it

in my hand

to see what it is

this beautiful pain.